Jo Ballengee Bereaved Parents Support Group Facilitator

Losing a child is one of the most traumatic and life changing events that may ever happen to you.  No parent expects to out live their child and when this happens your grieving is compounded and can become overbearing to a point where you can hardly function.  After leaning on family and friends you will find that you still
need to tell your story.  Spiritual Care Support Ministries Bereaved Parent support group is here to help you through this very dark period of your life.  Our support group is a group of parents, just like you, who get together to share their feelings and receive comfort from others who have gone through the same experience.  The group meets on Saturday and is facilitated by Jo Ballengee.  Here is her
story in her own words. 



May 29, 2001 was the saddest day of my life. It was the day my precious little boy, Troy Jordan Ballengee, died at the age of three and a half years. 

In addition to Troy's death, my husband, Dale, and I had previously suffered through two miscarriages. This added to our devastation; Troy was even more special to us because we had struggled so to have a child. Also, Troy was born two months prematurely and spent most of his first year of life in hospitals as well as specialists offices for the next year and a half. This had also been a very stressful and difficult time in our lives. We were often told he would probably never walk, talk, or eat on his own. 

Yet Troy made such progress that we were able to eliminate the specialist visits; he walked, talked, and was learning to feed himself! The only "extras" we had were moderate physical and speech therapies. We relished in this joy for several months…dreams of typical family activities and even vacations seemed within our grasp! And then on that day in May he suddenly took ill after preschool and was dead that evening. 

Since then I have often wrestled with many questions, some of which include: Why didn't God take Troy when it would have made more sense - when he was in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) or the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit); or when he had emergency surgeries? Why did God call each of our three children back into his presence? 

 I don't know.  

But I do know it wasn't any form of punishment or dictatorship. God's character is too faithful, compassionate, and loving for that.  

I do know that God is always, ALWAYS, preparing us for something. Reflecting upon God's character when I lost the two babies prepared and equipped me to be not just a Mommy, but a Mother. And the road traveled with Troy required a level of sacrifice and maturity I would not have had otherwise.  

I trust in God's timing and purpose…had Troy died in the NICU or PICU, Dale and I would not have experienced his joyous personality - he laughed so much and just exuded love - nor seen his physical victories! 

Speaking of God's timing, about 17 years ago he nudged me to step into the local Hospice office. I had no idea what a Hospice was about! I took their training program and volunteered in the office periodically. I learned so much and developed lasting friendships. That training equipped me to deal with the loss of my children. About two years after Troy died; I began a support group for child loss and led the group for about a year and a half. God then placed a desire in my heart to reach out to other bereaved parents in a solid Christian environment. Joy, Director of Hospice, told me about the Center and I called Chaplain Liz. She invited me to attend an upcoming event so I could see what the Center was like. I could feel God's presence and see him at work! 

We had many phone conversations after that. I am eternally grateful to Joy and her continued friendship and support, and to Liz for coming alongside me at that time and the hours she spent comforting and encouraging me. It became clear to both of us that we shared a common vision and heart for the Center's ministry and it was decided that after I completed training I would facilitate the Bereaved Parents Support Group. 

Being a facilitator has been an absolute privilege. To walk with others through the deepest valleys of their pain and witness steps of healing never fails to touch my heart. God is amazing; the differences in people's lives are the result of his measureless compassion and faithfulness, he guides all I do or say in the group.

If you have experienced the loss of a child, I would encourage you to step out and come to the Center. What is shared in the group is kept in the strictest confidence. There are no judgments or religious requirements. Yes, we are biblically based, but I don't pretend to have the answers or dare to propose that you will be "completely healed." This is a lifelong journey on earth, for you as well as me. I'll meet you with open arms at whatever point you are.